You only have three options in every situation which causes dis-ease, and I learned this from Eckhart Tolle, in his work The Power of Now. The 3 options are: 1. You can try to change it 2. You can accept it 3. You can avoid it. If you try to change it, and sometimes you can, you have to learn to put systems in play so it never happens again. You have to be at peace
Second option, accept that that’s the way it is. Now, there’s a book out by Byron Katie, Loving What Is, and it breaks down the idea of “accepting” to very simplistic terms. In Loving What Is, she says dogs bark, cats meow, guys lay on the couch. It’s what is. It’s the way God created them. It’s just what is.
Often, in dealing with patients that have a “problem” with someone else, I show them how the person they’re complaining about is no different than…and I would use and animal…and they say, “He just lies around.” And I say, “Well, he’s like a cat. A cat just lies around.” “He never listens to me. “He only sometimes listens to me or conveniently listens to me.” And I say, “Still sounds like a cat. A cat lies around. You can tell it something. It may listen to you. It may not. But, if you call it around dinner time, the probability of it getting up and paying attention to you is higher.” And, the person says, “Yes, that’s my husband.” So, I reply, “Well, he’s a cat. Are you going to change a cat? No. Are you going to change your husband? No. It’s the way God created him.”
So, you have a choice to either change or accept the relationship or the person. It’s the way God created it. There is nothing wrong with “it” (him, her, an event or object). It’s just what is.
If you choose avoidance, you the option to avoid the person, place or thing… at all cost! The reason why is unconsciously or consciously, you don’t want to make the decision that you have a fourth choice and that fourth choice is dis-ease.
Let me tell you the way it works…
Let’s say at work you have a shift in culture. You’ve got a new CEO, different management style, new boss, new task, whatever, a change of culture, change of something that takes your peace away at work. Your first thing is, “Well, I can’t change it. I’m not the CEO. I’m not in charge. So, changing isn’t an option.” So number two is accepting. “What they’re doing isn’t right. I can never accept it. It’s not right.” So, you’re left with one last choice and that is to avoid.
Now, to avoid means to go and look for another job. When I’m working with patients that have issues in the work environment (and I have a large percentage of patients that fall into this category) they manifest an illness because they didn’t try to change the situation, didn’t accept it the way it is, and didn’t avoid it. That leaves only on option and that is dis-ease. They no longer have to go to work if they have dis-ease. Disease is a way out. Now, you’re probably saying, “Well, are you telling me that people consciously or unconsciously manifest a serious physical condition, so they don’t have to go to work?” My answer is yes, this is often the case. I see it every day, and not only do I see it every day, but I see it more than once every day.
I try to assist patients in accepting it, but when we get to that point of, if they can’t accept it and if they can’t change it because they’re not the CEO, or they are not in a position to change it, it leaves them with these options. It’s either avoid it, be sick until retirement or no longer be around. I suggest they avoid it. I tell patients, “I would rather you sell coconuts down on the beach, live a simple lifestyle and be at peace.” If you don’t get up in the morning and you don’t look forward to the place you’re going, you need to look around.